God and Eve

ENGLISH/HUMOUR ‘God, I have a problem,’ Eve stated. She was in dire need of a quick fix.

Mr. Ian Vik–pronounced Jan Week–is currently a trained social worker serving as night watch in an undisclosed housing facility. He previously used his degree in theology serving the Church of Norway as a teacher. He also happens to be the blog master for the Norwegian Pilgrim’s Progress collective. His observations are not entirely sane and that’s why we occasionally have to include them here, at PREACHER.no.


‘God, I have a problem.’

‘So what’s your problem, Eve?’

‘I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals as well as that hilarious snake, but I’m just not happy.’

‘And why is that, Eve?’

‘God, I am lonely and bored and I’m sick to death of apples.’

‘Well, Eve, in that case I shall create a man for you.’

‘A man? What is that, God?’

WHAT? ‘A man? What is that, God?’ Eve asked. Illustration photo: YouTube.

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‘It’s a flawed base creature with many bad traits. He will lie, he’ll cheat and be vain. He will revel in childish things. He’ll be bigger than you and will like fighting, hunting and killing things. He won’t be too smart, so will need your advice to think properly. He will have a limited emotional capacity so will also need to be trained. He will look silly when aroused, but since you’ve been complaining of your boredom, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs, and you never need being bored again.’

‘Sounds great’, Eve said, ‘but what’s the catch, God?’

‘Well, you can have him on one condition.’

‘And what’s that, God?’

‘As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, so you will have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman.’

READ UP >> Additional entries in English here

DISCLAIMER: So-called feminist theology is THE thing in the Crutch of… sorry, we mean the Church of Norway these days, not to forget our even more progressive sister church in the east – the Crutch of Sweden! The development within modern church towards a pronounced belief in a female God inspired Ian to write this little piece. It’s not entirely his own, he states, as he has picked ideas from all over the Internet before he got as far as this. The text is definitely not theologically PC, but we are sure you can stomach it. Remember, a little laugh never harmed anyone. Except for the ones that the bishops beheaded.

This text was initially published on Facebook. Partial rights reserved. Copyright © 2019 Ian Vik, Pilegrim.net and Victor Skimmeland er preacher.no. No part of these texts may be copied or reprinted for commercial gain. However, as all stories are meant to be shared and used, please reference source when you do. For all other than non-commercial uses please obtain advance permission in writing from the author(s).